Ah Human

Sometimes people throw away something good for something better, only to find out later that good was actually good enough and better never even came close. -Susan Gale

I can't be more agree with that. Ah human.

Learn to Take a Risk?

'Take a risk' is something that always come to my mind since a friend ask me to think about it.In the city where I live, most of people love being just they are. They don't even try to get something better with working harder. Their willingness to be better has to be the fastest one, automatic, instant, but easy. they think it's enough to be just like that, God give them this and we just have to be grateful. Take a risk for them is take a risk as a native, as what they are, be grateful and not really interested to be better or richer or to be liked and so on by trying harder or to compete.

Sadly, I will become one of them maybe. I don't want to give up on something which is not really difficult than what my parents had done to live. I want to have a willingness to compete. I don't wanna be the weakest one. I wanna have a strong will to be better. I'm not Mr Teguh who talk lots of powerful words. I just wanna have a strong heart to be tough and good enough brain to survive.

Take a risk for me was when I chose to stay in dormitory and lived in different city from my family, I have to take care myself for the first time, everyday..
Take a risk was a day when I open my heart to someone who wants to be my partner. I take a risk to divide my mind. I have to think about me myself to survive in my difficulties, especially study, and to put my heart as someone who I have to understand. I have to understand my life and someone's life, LEARN to live as one from two different figures, try to put others feeling before mine, and try to put happy face when tears try to come out. I was taking this risk.

I don't think it was easy, but it is. It will be more difficult when I take RISKS.

2013 People.. I Got Jackpot

Ughh.. I still dizzy when I write this, but I just can't keep sleeping. I always wake up before 9 in the morning even when I slept at 4 last night. Well, I went to my the new year BBQ of boyfriend's family, but Yogyakarta was awfully rain. We were just enjoying our chitchat there and there, even though we're not that close (I'm not their family, just a friend of my boo), but they were so nice to me. And I think I couldn't really feel this 2012 Christmas and 2013 new year. Everything are good, but I didn't really into it.

Anyway, after new year and lots of noises this city made, me and boo went to the center of this city, Malioboro (not Marlboro) I got maag or in English maybe called gastritis. I felt it in my boo's house. hoeekk..I thought I'll faint and throw up at the same time, then I told him to get me out of there before they brought me to the hospital.
I bought and drank gastritis pill, waited for an hour and I drank VODKA. It's not a strong vodka. I often drink it more than a bottle (so far almost 3bottles) and I didn't feel strong effect until last nigh. I only drink a bottle and I got my head spinning and yes I thought I'll throw up in front of my friends (we were with some friends). I told boo that I should go home and he was a bit panicked. He's afraid it was because of my medicine plus alcohol.
In my house, I took a shower and yes I got JACKPOT. I threw up my blue liquor and stuffs. sorry I'm telling you this cute yuck things. Then I went to sleep and woke up at 7 or 8 I'm not sure.

So, Happy new year dude.

I am Afraid of (extremely)Happiness

Well, these days are so sensitive for me, and so does my blog.
People love happiness, they're looking for it. So am I. I always find the positive things inside my unlucky days or experiences. I have a lot of things made me so desperate and down, but I always trying to find my great smile there.

Last night I couldn't sleep and suddenly I  thought about how wonderful is my life. I have lovely parents and sister and patient boyfriend and adorable friends. I wonder if I live without one of them. I am so afraid with my own happiness. I'm afraid of losing them. They really here for me. I'm spoiled, annoying, and sensitive. only those people who accept my weakness. Whatever happened, I couldn't be more grateful than having them in my life.

This is cliche, but if you really think about it, you'll see how wonderful life is.
I don't know. I live with complete facilities and a lot of love, it makes me easier to be so thankful to God. I'm afraid if all of this (people and things) are gone, I would question my gratefulness. I don't want to be like that person. I really want to be a person who really can see that there's good things in something bad.

For me, it's a bit clumsy to say I love you dad-mom-sist.. but I really love them. And I hope if I say love everyday to the other that I love (especially boo), they don't feel so bored and my-lovely-love-things-to-say-every days are hopefully always be special, because it really comes from my heart. And there is always good things in our unlucky experiences.

XOXO,
Rania

Hate

Sometimes you make mistakes in purpose or not, then people simply hate you or dislike you. It's like the first year, people like you, and the next year people dislike you.

I am a sensitive and a bit emotional person, when someone hate me i"ll think of it everyday. Now, I want to make it understandable for me. I mean, yes some people like me, but there's also a time when they hate me.

I don't have to be liked by all of people, do we?
They can dislike me too, they can judge me as long as I have people or someone who stand next tome. If they don't like me, it's okay, it's their right. If I feel lonely by their hatred, I can ask them why and talk to them. I won't push them to like me or my personality an what I chose. I am human being who always try to be better for my beloved people around me and for my life.

I also want to understand them who I dislike. And sometime these things are complicated. Well, we're just human. So, that's okay.

Many Ideas in Junk

Well, have you ever felt upset because you have a lot of ideas in your mind, but you can't make it real?
I felt it again and again and deep in my heart I just so jealous with people who can express their ideas.

You want to be a doctor because you like to help people, beside your grades are perfect, but you have no money to go to college or maybe your father asks you to help him in his shops or something.
You want to be a journalist because it's interesting for you and it's your passion, but your brother is sick and your family sacrifices their time and money for him, so it's not appropriate to ask your parents about your passion.
Once you win a photography competition and the money can pay your own school needs, you're so happy because you earn money from your passion, but later you can't buy films or even print your photos because actually your parents prepare the money only for your school, not more, and you have to work for your own passion if you are capable to.
But.. if you are a well-off person and have no problems with your passion or maybe your parents are rich, you do not have to be so worry.

I love playing piano/keyboard, and dad gave me one, but I couldn't have a piano lesson. God gives me ability to learn it on my own, even it's not that perfect. I don't really waste my talent, do I?
I love creating necklace and woman's accessories when I was in junior high, but my tools are not that complete, so i give up.
I love making stories, but there's no time anymore to type it. I'm not that young anymore to have a free time.
I love photography, but has no money for that. It's for my daily needs.

When I was in Jakarta and my father still work, I usually went to malls and plazas in that city, or maybe Bandung. In my era, PG (not a real name haha) is a very classy plaza. I love it. Sometimes, we just ate at hokben or buy things. This lifestyle influenced my woman's passion about shopping and fashion. Now, I should put aside my glamorous things, but I still can mix and match my clothes and dresses to be like my tasty style, but still, I just so jealous to someone who can buy materials and make it into dresses and pay the tailor, or maybe this person can sew it herself/himself.
People say I didn't try hard, I wasted my money, I just not into it, and things that let me down.
Actually, I can make my ideas come true, but maybe it's just not the right moment.