Why life can be so blurrrrrr.
What makes me stand is because other people also struggle. I will stand. I have to.
Every smiles have story.
I can find happiness or passion in every minutes in my life. I have to. I keep on doing it. Happiness in everything.
Sunday, March 13, 2016
Sunday, February 28, 2016
Still Lost?
Yes, I guess. I cannot find the happiness I'm looking for. I don't think no one hold my hand and get me into a better light. My family support me whatever I choose, but it doesn't mean I scream for help to them. Let me handle my own tears or heavy things behind my back probably. Over thinking is my talent.
I always keep myself on the track and serious. Afraid of taking other bigger challenge. I took challenges, but it is not bigger enough. What bigger I'm not sure. Does it mean other country or responsibily or else? I'm not alone, but I'm alone. I'm alone figuring out my future like everybody, but it clogged up with many things.
How to calm me down? Just let me cry. The problem is... Now I can't cry easily. I guess my feeling is plain. Right? I am too too too tough and it is not good for my mental. I start to realize that when colleagues in my division got dismissed. The others are crying and am not. In my tooooo positive mind, it said "if it's the right thing, why should I cry? That's stupid. They given money and it is like God light up their new way. Why should they angry and we cry?"
Back. Somehow I guess I prepare unuseful things too much. I am unuseful. I need some direction. I need a light. I need a tap on my back as a support. I need to cry. I need a gown up talk. I need great guy. I need God pull me to the way he meant to me directly. At least someone helps me, because something shrinks my brain.
I am tired of things that doesn't happen yet.
I always keep myself on the track and serious. Afraid of taking other bigger challenge. I took challenges, but it is not bigger enough. What bigger I'm not sure. Does it mean other country or responsibily or else? I'm not alone, but I'm alone. I'm alone figuring out my future like everybody, but it clogged up with many things.
How to calm me down? Just let me cry. The problem is... Now I can't cry easily. I guess my feeling is plain. Right? I am too too too tough and it is not good for my mental. I start to realize that when colleagues in my division got dismissed. The others are crying and am not. In my tooooo positive mind, it said "if it's the right thing, why should I cry? That's stupid. They given money and it is like God light up their new way. Why should they angry and we cry?"
Back. Somehow I guess I prepare unuseful things too much. I am unuseful. I need some direction. I need a light. I need a tap on my back as a support. I need to cry. I need a gown up talk. I need great guy. I need God pull me to the way he meant to me directly. At least someone helps me, because something shrinks my brain.
I am tired of things that doesn't happen yet.
Saturday, January 23, 2016
Foggy Hope
I have never imagine that life could be this hard. I thought as long as I have complete body, positive thinking, and partner, life can be so simple and enjoyed.
Yes, my relationship is totally okay, but the things behind are difficult to say. I thought I am fine and happy enough having a good job, happy relationship, humble life, and so on. Last night, I realized I have nothing. Literally or not, I have nothing. I am lost, stress, and shaking. Simple marriage life I picture is slowly blurred. Simple matrimony is run far from my back. Simple yet complicated happiness is difficult to reach.
My heart says I have to find something to light my life again and my brain says it is possible, but it is not easy, even it is a scary thing for me. Cry only heals for a while, but trying hard is the best way. Easy to say my last sentence, but I know, doing it is way more difficult.
I have to prepare myself that I should start from the beginning. Start ferm the very first. I know it is not familiar for me, but I have to survive, right? If I give up, I will die useless. Life is full of surprise and this one is hunting me and I just keep my head up and my heart beat.
Oh I know, social media distracts my view. Why? It has beautiful things from everyone's life that makes me look at their happiness, not mine. I should tell myself that I am poor, but I'm happy enough and it gets more difficult when I'm in PMS and still need someone to support me :)
Yes, my relationship is totally okay, but the things behind are difficult to say. I thought I am fine and happy enough having a good job, happy relationship, humble life, and so on. Last night, I realized I have nothing. Literally or not, I have nothing. I am lost, stress, and shaking. Simple marriage life I picture is slowly blurred. Simple matrimony is run far from my back. Simple yet complicated happiness is difficult to reach.
My heart says I have to find something to light my life again and my brain says it is possible, but it is not easy, even it is a scary thing for me. Cry only heals for a while, but trying hard is the best way. Easy to say my last sentence, but I know, doing it is way more difficult.
I have to prepare myself that I should start from the beginning. Start ferm the very first. I know it is not familiar for me, but I have to survive, right? If I give up, I will die useless. Life is full of surprise and this one is hunting me and I just keep my head up and my heart beat.
Oh I know, social media distracts my view. Why? It has beautiful things from everyone's life that makes me look at their happiness, not mine. I should tell myself that I am poor, but I'm happy enough and it gets more difficult when I'm in PMS and still need someone to support me :)
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