Foggy Hope

I have never imagine that life could be this hard. I thought as long as I have complete body, positive thinking, and partner, life can be so simple and enjoyed.

Yes, my relationship is totally okay, but the things behind are difficult to say. I thought I am fine and happy enough having a good job, happy relationship, humble life, and so on. Last night, I realized I have nothing. Literally or not, I have nothing. I am lost, stress, and shaking. Simple marriage life I picture is slowly blurred. Simple matrimony is run far from my back. Simple yet complicated happiness is difficult to reach.

My heart says I have to find something to light my life again and my brain says it is possible, but it is not easy, even it is a scary thing for me. Cry only heals for a while, but trying hard is the best way. Easy to say my last sentence, but I know, doing it is way more difficult.

I have to prepare myself that I should start from the beginning. Start ferm the very first. I know it is not familiar for me, but I have to survive, right? If I give up, I will die useless. Life is full of surprise and this one is hunting me and I just keep my head up and my heart beat.

Oh I know, social media distracts my view. Why? It has beautiful things from everyone's life that makes me look at their happiness, not mine. I should tell myself that I am poor, but I'm happy enough and it gets more difficult when I'm in PMS and still need someone to support me :)