Still Lost?

Yes, I guess. I cannot find the happiness I'm looking for. I don't think no one hold my hand and get me into a better light. My family support me whatever I choose, but it doesn't mean I scream for help to them. Let me handle my own tears or heavy things behind my back probably. Over thinking is my talent.

I always keep myself on the track and serious. Afraid of taking other bigger challenge. I took challenges, but it is not bigger enough. What bigger I'm not sure. Does it mean other country or responsibily or else? I'm not alone, but I'm alone. I'm alone figuring out my future like everybody, but it clogged up with many things.

How to calm me down? Just let me cry. The problem is... Now I can't cry easily. I guess my feeling is plain. Right? I am too too too tough and it is not good for my mental. I start to realize that when colleagues in my division got dismissed. The others are crying and am not. In my tooooo positive mind, it said "if it's the right thing, why should I cry? That's stupid. They given money and it is like God light up their new way. Why should they angry and we cry?"

Back. Somehow I guess I prepare unuseful things too much. I am unuseful. I need some direction. I need a light. I need a tap on my back as a support. I need to cry. I need a gown up talk. I need great guy. I need God pull me to the way he meant to me directly. At least someone helps me, because something shrinks my brain.

I am tired of things that doesn't happen yet.